Write from the Heart…..Why Me?

I got a comment from Kay on my website today…..

Kay Wallace has left you a comment:  I have "known" you for only a few
weeks, but I can't help wondering…five years ago, would you have even dreamed
you would be where you are today? Your drive and enthusiasm is inspiring, your
creativity boundless, and your confidence assuring. My mother began her artful
journey in her 50's. I began my artful journey almost into my 60's. I regret
having lost so much time, but so appreciate your sharing, your teaching, and,
most of all, your encouragement!

 

I hope she does not mind me publically posting it here but it really got me thinking.  The answer to your question Kay is……I had no idea where I would be from five years ago.  And the last five years have been life changing for me.  I went through changes in my personal life and my career that I never anticipated.  I read an article from Martha Beck called "Off the Beating Path" Oprah Magazine 2013 (thanks to Martha Richardson for sending me that) and realize those changes and hard times are called the "Rumble Strips".  (thanks for Cat, Martha and Liz ♥) 

There have been times in the past five years I have looked upward and said "Why me?"  Why are you throwing so much at me?  It took some time for me to stop and really evaluate what was important to me in my life.  The "Why Me?" was overwhelming at times and I will admit that. 

As I stopped and took a few leaps in life there were so many who were there who blew little whispers of air to keep my wings going.  Namely a group who meets every Monday for Mixed Media Mondays.  A group of artists, women, men who I had no idea would tune in.  There have also been so many great friends, fellow artists (too many to name) who were with me the whole time.  I had no idea five years ago that I would be here.   Where is here…right where I am meant to be. 

I just got back from a great trip to CHA Winter doing what I love and seeing so many of those friends (new and old) that I love.  I am a mom who is present to as much as she possibly can be. I am a daughter, aunt, cousin, niece to an awesome family who I love like no other.  And I have great friends who laugh with me, clink with me and love me for who I am. 

Five years ago did I anticipate this……Heck No.  Now the questions comes up to me all the time "Why me?".  Why does one choose to spend their Monday night with me?  Why do so many choose to share their art and lives with me, which at times they tell me about the "Rumble Strips" they are going through.  Why Me?  Why is it that yesterday I received this beautiful gift from Mary Friedrichson with a note that says "For all the courage you have given me!  So glad we met!  Sending blessings for a wonderful Near Year!"  Mary has no idea what she has brought to my life along with all the others.  That was no chance meeting in Target. 

Mary

It isn't about the gift (although I LOVE IT and it is so perfect) but that she took the time to get that, wrap it, mail it and thought of me.  Why me? 

And I got an email that from Andy saying "And once again I'm so thankful that I found you on Ustream because I used to think art journaling etc. was just so messy and a bunch of gom people threw on a page.  I watch other people and get ideas but…….(not to earn brownie points) you are the best!  Seriously!  The way you teach, your friendliness, your "trueness" (ok, so that's not a word but….it fit
 lol) and the fact that you're open with us and make us all comfortable."  

I have yet to even respond to this email because I think "Why me?".  But she gets me…….for who I am.  

I think Why me? because this group, those who tune in every Monday, my friends/family (too many to name) have given me more than they will ever know.  When I was going through the "Rumble Strips" in life they were the ones who blew a gentle breeze under my wings and said keep going.  I did not know the direction five years ago.  I still don't but boy am I loving my own path.  Not the path others think I should be on, or don't think I can do but what feels right to me.  There were so many friends who had no idea the impact they have had on my path.

Yes I am a mom who needs to keep a house, a home, and give to my kids all I can.  I have found that on this path if you truly do what you love the money will be there.  Chasing it and the ego you think you aspire to have only leads to emptiness. 

So in a nutshell Kay to answer your question………….Nope. I had no idea.  I had no idea the art that was within me until I decided to let it out AND SHARE IT.  I had no idea there would be one in the audience who cared let along so many………and I still think "Why Me?".

To quote that article "If you stop everything you think you should be doing, surrender to what's actually happening, reverse your assumptions, and steer toward the glimmers of light that appear as your old beliefs shatter, the small miracles will turn into big ones.  Eventually, your luck will seem as incredible and mysterious as your bad.  Once more you'll be asking, 'Did I do something to deserve this?' Only this time, the questions will arise from a sense of overwhelming gratitude, not overwhelming pain".

So with that I leave to think about how you need to stop and rethink your path.  Sometimes life just makes you do it.  Sometimes you just have to put on the brakes yourself…on to the next five years. 

 Thank You…….

Tracy

"Little miracles will being to happen when you turn toward your right life.  Eventually, your good l uck will seem incredible" ~Martha Beck

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.