I am fortunate that as an Artist I find the creative process is something I have learned to enjoy over the years.  My yearn for perfection, fear of the unknown of what the piece may or may not turn out (sometimes what is in my head and what lands on paper are two different things) is something I have to fight on a daily basis.  Unlike an Accountant or a construction worker who has a beginning and an end, the artist’s quest is ever evolving and the process is hard to stick with at times.

I doubt myself, wonder why, rethink my “style” and unlike the accountant who knows what their goal is…….to balance, finding balance as an Artist is not easy.

I am fortunate in that I get feedback when I need it most.  Last week I got this email:

Dear Tracy, I have been meaning to write to you for awhile now about MMM and to say thank you.  I pretty much have the craft room of my dreams and it is filled with just about every kind of craft medium you can work with.  I was an unintentional craft hoarder with every good hearted intention of using every single item I purchased.  Many times I started off raring to go and then doubt myself and eventually it went into the “it’s not good enough will do it later pile” where it would sit (and sometimes that still happens, but less often now) collecting dust.

MMM has taught me to just enjoy the process.  I am far from being an artist and for a very long time I just forgot how much I just love to ‘craft play’.  I am not looking to sell any work and I have been a crafter since my early 20’s  (I’ll be 51 in November). Okay so where is all this rambling going? Glad you asked…… I have been watching MMM for nearly 2 years now and I try to make it to the live shows, however, when my pain hits (which is often) I cannot sit and watch and usually will catch it the next day (I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia).  Much of the time I would just sit and watch the shows and that was pretty much it.  Well a few months ago I purchased some mixed media journals and just started to ‘play’ again.  I found that I was not criticizing myself if something didn’t come out ‘perfect’ I was just having a good time getting my ink on!  I also notice that when I play in my journal I am not focused on my pain.  Using my art journal has become my therapy. I thought “my new art journal fad” would end up being just another thing to collect dust in my craft room after a week or two.  Well I am pleased to report that 7 months later I am still playing, having fun and most days I do it with a lot less pain.  I thank you for giving me the confidence to go balls to the wall and to just have fun!

I just wanted to let you know the impact you have made and like I said before ….. keep on inkin and drinkin!”  Much love, Laura F.”

That email came at a time when I wondered if an Accountant job was for me.  But as I dig into my art journal myself and learn new things, try new things, feel passionate about something I love so much with that email I got the opportunity to see that in some small way me and my art makes a difference.

I was the PTA Accountant/Treasurer, I have had that office job with my photos of my family on my desk staring at me.  I have known the great feeling of seeing my numbers balance on a construction job.  All of which I am proud of.  But as the chapters of my life have unfolded I find myself in a new place.  Now, I am taking the opportunity to enjoy the process even more by making the most of every day.  I am kicking that perfectionism in the rear and LIVING what I am passionate about.  And I am thankful for those emails that let me know what I put out is coming back to me tenfold.  So in those moments I am doubting myself I have to remember to………

This time that I have painting pretty pictures of flowers means something to me and to others to.

Thank you Laura for that reminder and for the comments/posts & messages I receive.  As for that doubt……

For now I keep on inkin’ and drinkin’!

“Trust in life’s process.  Happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with what is, rather than wishing for and worrying about what is not.  When life is “falling apart,” things could actually be falling together… maybe for the first time.”